Humbled or Confident

“I am still learning.” –Michelangelo

Like Michelangeo, I too am still learning. All of us are, aren’t we? It is humbling to admit that I am still learning. It reinforces the fact that I am not always going to know what to do in every situation. I need to have confidence in my past experiences and professional judgment to know that I am going to make (at the very least) an educated guess about how to handle any situation.

This brings me to my next question. How do people be humble and confident at the same time? I used to think these were two mutually exclusive things that someone could be; either humble or confident. But maybe some people can become confident through being humble?

By admitting that you don’t know everything all the time, you can get rid of the notion that you need to do something one way. It is a cognitive bias like the concept of functional fixedness…where people get so focused on doing something one specific way that they don’t take the time to stop and realize that there are multiple uses for objects.

By being humble enough to realize that I am not the ‘be all, end all’ for situations, I would allow myself to be open to suggestions from others. After all, Ivan Illich says “leadership does not depend on being right.” Instead, a good leader gets input from everyone and figures out the best way to proceed with confidence, even if they have to admit that they aren’t 100% sure about the outcome.

Building (short-term) Confidence

As briefly mentioned an earlier post “(Lost in) Transition,” I tend to be very nervous when entering new situations. For some reason, I tend to get very quiet and introverted while I observe everything around me until I feel comfortable enough to fully open up and share my opinions. Knowing myself, I do have a few tactics that will help boost my confidence levels and while they may seem very basic, I’d like to share them as part of a conversation on how to build confidence as a NSAP (New Student Affairs Professional).

• Theme Music: Sometimes before going into a situation that I am nervous about, I play a theme song in my head. It is usually something that is energetic and focused on confidence (typically hip-hop songs like “Can’t Say Nothing’” by Kanye West or “Who Gon Stop Me,” by Jay Z and Kanye West and occasionally songs from other genres such as “Can’t Stop,” by Red Hot Chili Peppers).

• Talk to Myself in Front of the Mirror:  Again, this one seems very basic but it actually works wonders for me. While preparing for interviews, I had a former supervisor tell me to look at myself in front of the mirror and tell myself that I am a qualified candidate, will do well on the interview, and will be confident in myself. While I was skeptical at first, I tried it a few times, and it really did work (perhaps on a subconscious level it reinforces my confidence and allows me to believe in myself).

• Ask for Advice: Often when I’m nervous, I will find someone who has gone through a similar experience and ask them for advice. A lot of times, just talking through things with someone else allows me to realize that I can handle the situation.

• Learn From Mistakes: “I will not lose, for even in defeat, there’s a valuable lesson learned so it evens it up for me” –Jay Z lyric from “Blueprint 2” off his Blueprint 2 album. I try my best to always remember that every situation I encounter is a learning experience for future situations. Therefore, even when I do something wrong, I try to focus on what to do differently in the future rather than focusing on the negativity from past situations.

• What’s the Worst that Can Happen:  Sometimes when I am really nervous, I ask myself “what’s the worst that can happen?” Usually this helps calm down my nerves, as I realize that most situations are not life and death, and that if I approach something in a calm manner, I will be much more likely to handle the situation appropriately, than if I approach something nervously. Also it allows me to prepare for the worst case scenario so I am not completely caught off guard if something doesn’t go well.

Overall, I think I am definitely on the road to becoming more confident in the short term. What I mean by this is boosting self-confidence in handling situations that are coming up relatively soon (i.e. interviewing for positions, confronting incidents in the hall, having difficult conversations with staff members, etc).

What do you do to build confidence for handling upcoming situations?